G-Star show review

Oh, dear reader, I have failed you. I carried around this videocamera in my pocket all day and just let it sit there as I furiously scribbled notes like an idiot as the most unbelievable event of the week occurred. An event I am not nearly a good enough writer to convey. If I had just used my brain and taped it, you would be passing it on to 20 friends on YouTube right now. I am truly, deepy sorry.

At the beginning of the G-Star show, Alan Cumming and Heather Graham came out and gave a speech about the UN Millenium campaign. After Cumming would rattle off some stats about global poverty, Graham would put on this weird happy smile and nod and say, just like a 3rd-grader giving a report, "Millenium goal number one! End poverty! Whoo!" But she would say the words with this incredible pride, like she wanted us to know that she knew what all of them meant. It was amazing. The woman can't even act enough to be convincing in a speech at a fashion show. At one point she said, "We are the generation that can end poverty!" and then she laughed. I am so, so, so sorry.

The other good moment was when Graham listed milenium goal number three: "Empower women." The place went crazy, with everyone applauding the empowerment of women. Really? The people who spend all week looking at anorexic models and convincing women across the world to spend their time and money focussed on their appearance want to empower women? The editors who are fighting other women for a better seat so they can be in the power zone at shows want to empower women? Maybe one of the UN Millenium goals should be to teach people irony.

I have no idea what G-Star is. I thought it was an energy drink, but apparently it's a jeans company.

They had, by far, the best show. The models were choreographed and the catwalk raised and lowered into stairs that the models had to negotiate. The music was really good remixes, and the models had these convincing G-Star font tattoos. And, for the first time, the models had nice hair. It was super cool.

The weird thing is that they were just wearing jeans and jackets and cargo-y pants. It didn't seem like fashion at all. It seemed like jeans. And, to my dismay, they were light-colored jeans. I hope those aren't back. I just bought dark jeans.

I also hope that sock garters, which one of the male models wore, aren't in. And that ugly dress with a print that almost looked like a TRS-80 tie-dyed it doesn't sell. But two-tone shoes? I've been waiting a long time for the chance to wear two-tone shoes when I'm not bowling.

Whatever G-Star is, they clearly are very successful. There was a huge, luxe after party after the show. But I've learned by now that there probably wasn't going to be any food, so I took off and went to dinner. Just one day left and I finally learned how to negotiate this world.