Halston show review

Jason DeCrow / AP

Halston

This was not a show. This was a presentation. The main difference is that presentations are awesome! Instead of sitting down and waiting an hour for models to walk, you walk around to different rooms where models lounge around in gowns. It's like a Disney ride! Like the Country Bear Jamboree except the bears are women who never eat and the jamboree consists of acting bored. When I walked out the other end, I asked if I could go again.

The whole thing felt surreal and decadent, like we were breaking the fourth wall. It was held at the Museum of Modern Art, but I still felt like at any moment one of these women could walk up to me and ask if I wanted a lap dance.

I was very confused about the rules. I think we weren't supposed to talk to the models, but I approached Elena right away. I asked her if it was uncomfortable to sit there passively while people stare. "No, you can sit." That's true, Elena! Modeling while sitting is even easier than modeling while walking. I asked if she was told to look really serious, but she said she was free to smile and talk.

Kate Betts introduced me to Veronica Webb, who is a model. I knew this because: a) I'd heard of Veronica Webb and b) she was wearing a T-shirt that said, "iModel." I asked Veronica if I was allowed to touch the models and she said it was totally okay to ask to touch the fabric. She said someone told her that what a fabric feels like is more important than what your husband feels like since you spend more time touching the fabric. Good point, Veronica! Now I'm off to touch models!

I asked Sharan if I could touch her pants, and she readily agreed. I asked her what they were made of, but Sharan didn't know. "They didn't tell me," she said before quickly covering. "It's beautiful. And a beautiful color." Sharan also didn't know the name of the model she was sharing the couch with. It turned out I had a piece of paper that said what Sharan's outfit was made of. If you're reading Sharan, it was a "soft jersey strapless jumpsuit in aubergene."

I sat down on the couch between Sharan and the model who's name we didn't know and tried to fit in. It didn't really work.

Harvey Weinstein owns Halston, so I asked him why he was involved in the fashion business. "I'm a red-blooded American male. I get to hang out with models," he said. I asked him how much he knew about fashion, and he said he knew nothing. He asked what I knew about Halston and I told him that they only thing I knew was that some women can, unfortunately, get all impressed with their Halston dress and the people that they know at Elaine's. "You and I know the least about fashion in this room. But I bet you can tell me Ty Cobb's batting average." Yes, I told him, I sure could. Unfortunately, Harvey Weinstein then asked me what Ty Cobb's batting average was. And for some reason, I decided to answer. "421," I said with a lot of conviction for a guy who has no idea what Ty Cobb's lifetime batting average is. Harvey Weinstein told me it was 367. To which, even more oddly, I told him that .421 was Cobb's best year. Which, I just found out from wikipedia, was, by pure luck almost right (He hit .420). I just spend a lot of time talking about 1920s baseball for a fashion blog.

Oh, and I really liked the Halston clothes. Lots of gowns in cool colors. They were elegant and sexy and looked like they actually would impress your friends at Elaine's.